October 30, 2018
Today is my 59th birthday. I have long since stopped celebrating this day and now just try to get through it with as little fuss and attention as possible.
I know my hair is not going to grow back, and that I will never be in the same physical shape that I was back in my high school football playing days, so it is not about vanity.
It is not about feeling cheated either. Sure, there are some things I still want to experience; I have a bucket list just like anyone else. But I am very aware that I have been blessed. I have a great family and have had a number of wonderful jobs. I am not a “stuff” guy, so there are no material things I feel like I have missed out on.
Finally, my anti-birthday sentiment is not connected to a concern for my own mortality. Death is one day closer for everyone. Exactly when my time is up is out of my control, so I don’t worry about it too much.
For me birthdays have become a time of reflection. Am I doing any good? Am I making an impact? Is what I am doing or saying making a difference? Should I be doing things differently? Is this what God has in mind for me? Am I a true witness to my faith?
So I get a bit introspective around my birthday, and usually fall into a bit of a funk because I can’t answer these questions with any certainty. And if I am uncertain, is it because I am failing at these things?
One of the things about which I am certain is that I love God, and as long as love of God is a constant in my life, all things will work for the good.