January 3, 2022
Once again, my primary New Year’s resolution remains the same: Give up control of my life to God. The fact that my resolution is the same each year tells me I have a long way to go. It is an ongoing battle.
I want to be able to say, “Be it done unto me according to Your word” like young Mary did.
I want to be His servant, completely and without reservation; but I struggle to give up control.
What am I afraid of? Am I afraid that God won’t get it right? If so, that’s pretty arrogant.
No, I am afraid because it leaves me vulnerable. How can I prepare for what’s coming if I don’t know what He has in mind for me? I lack trust. A 13-year-old girl can completely submit to God’s will, yet I am a coward.
Several years ago, Pope Francis delivered a homily at Midnight Mass on Christmas Eve. Reading it, I discovered that perhaps I am approaching my New Year’s resolution from the wrong perspective. Rather than thinking of it in terms of giving up control, perhaps I should look at it as allowing God to love me. I should replace something I want but don’t need – control – with something I desperately want and need – God’s love.
Pope Francis said: How do I welcome the tenderness of God? Do I allow myself to be taken up by God, to be embraced by him, or do I prevent him from drawing close? “But I am searching for the Lord” – we could respond. Nevertheless, what is most important is not seeking him, but rather allowing him to find me and caress me with tenderness. The question is: Do I allow God to love me?
My revised New Year’s resolution: I will do my best to allow God to love me.